I’m awake at 3:30 a.m. for the 4th day in a row. Like a tangled skein of yarn, my thoughts seem impossible to knit together into a useful or recognizable pattern. Conflict.
Somehow the word “priorities” escapes the twisted trap. It struggles past voices, “Won’t this get in the way of you dating others?” “Are we going to spice it up a bit?” “Are you really just trying to attract a guy through this?” “Get out there and make some big plans – just have fun!”
Opinions. Advice. Guidance. Suggestions. Judgments. Appreciation.
Watching. They’re watching.
Conflict. This journey is about my priorities. What do I want from my 52 Dates with Myself?
- I want to experience ME – with intentional focus, noticing the things that happen as a result of this year of commitment.
- I want to feel the tensions that show up – when, where, why?
- I want to develop greater awareness of my habits – which ones support me, which sabotage me?
- I want to be attentive to what makes me happy and brings me joy.
- I want to develop awareness of my disappointments and fears – what do they mean to me? When do I most feel them? How do they propel me on or stop me?
- I want to have fun doing things I love, yet — challenge myself to new adventures, give myself new experiences, step out of my comfort zone.
- I want to be mindful of my values – what do I proclaim them to be? What do I demonstrate them to be?
- I want 24/7 alertness to the gift that is my life, this journey that is uniquely my own.
- I want to bring ME to my world – with a richer, fuller, consciousness of what that means to those I’m privileged to come into relationship with along the way.
- I want to embrace the challenge of the conflict within — to live the story that is only mine to tell.