Posts Tagged With: Dating expectations

The Challenge of Surprise in Dating Myself

I suppose it just makes sense that one of the challenges of 52 Dates with Myself is figuring out how to incorporate the element of surprise.

Those of you who despise being caught unawares are no doubt cheering this dilemma. While my surprise-embracing allies empathize with the difficulty of delivering the unexpected.

So how does a gal plan a surprise date for herself?

Ponder & Chat: What ideas and thoughts come to mind about this challenge?  Come on, surprise me!

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Categories: Challenges, Date Ideas, Planning, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Of Friends & Prepositional Phrases

I love my friends! They’re all looking out for me and wanting to help me with my 52 Dates with Myself. 

Some inquire, “Can you count this as one of your 52 dates?” Others happily just advise me, “You can count it as one of your 52 dates.”

I could easily respond, “Absolutely, I can count this as one of my dates.”

Or, “Yeah, you’re right. Good thinking!”

Really, there isn’t anyone to say I can’t. These are my dates. It’s my project. My journey. I can establish the rules as I want them to be and change them in the middle if I choose. Right?

But there’s a clamoring in my mind. The voices of Mrs. Adams and Mr. Fields, two of the best and hardest English grammar teachers a student could have.

“52 Dates with Myself.”

“They’re missing the prepositional phrase It’s quite important here.”

“Do you need to diagram it?”

“Ha! No, thank you! I do not need to diagram it!”

It’s obvious, of course. The “with Myself” clearly functioning as an adjective describing which 52 Dates. The ones with Myself.

“Yes, I understand that they mean well. They’re great friends, too.”

“Ah, interesting idea. Yes, perhaps next year we’ll tackle 52 Dates with My Friends.”

I think I hear the bell ringing. Class dismissed!

Ponder & Chat: How do the people in your life create challenges for you to consider around your personal goals?

Categories: Challenges, Commitment, Reflections | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Conflicted

“Everything we do that’s important is the result of conflict” Seth Godin

I’m awake at 3:30 a.m. for the 4th day in a row. Like a tangled skein of yarn, my thoughts seem impossible to knit together into a useful or recognizable pattern. Conflict.

Somehow the word “priorities” escapes the twisted trap. It struggles past voices, “Won’t this get in the way of you dating others?” “Are we going to spice it up a bit?” “Are you really just trying to attract a guy through this?” “Get out there and make some big plans – just have fun!”

Opinions. Advice. Guidance. Suggestions. Judgments. Appreciation.

Watching. They’re watching.

Priorities.

“Everything we do that’s important is the result of conflict. Not a conflict between us and the world—a conflict between us and ourselves.” Seth Godin

Conflict. This journey is about my priorities. What do I want from my 52 Dates with Myself?

  • I want to experience ME – with intentional focus, noticing the things that happen as a result of this year of commitment.
  • I want to feel the tensions that show up – when, where, why?
  • I want to develop greater awareness of my habits – which ones support me, which sabotage me? 
  • I want to be attentive to what makes me happy and brings me joy.
  • I want to develop awareness of my disappointments and fears – what do they mean to me? When do I most feel them? How do they propel me on or stop me? 
  • I want to have fun doing things I love, yet — challenge myself to new adventures, give myself new experiences, step out of my comfort zone.
  • I want to be mindful of my values – what do I proclaim them to be? What do I demonstrate them to be?
  • I want 24/7 alertness to the gift that is my life, this journey that is uniquely my own.
  • I want to bring ME to my world – with a richer, fuller, consciousness of what that means to those I’m privileged to come into relationship with along the way.
  • I want to embrace the challenge of the conflict within — to live the story that is only mine to tell.
Categories: Challenges, Commitment, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The agony of silence

Nine days of silence.

Wondering what it means.

Fear?

Disappointment?

Resistance?

Dislike?

Someone else?

Will I ever call again?

If so, what will I say?

Categories: Beginnings, Challenges, Commitment, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How does dating myself limit other dating?

Sharing my new adventure with friends is proving interesting. At lunch yesterday, I excitedly shared, “I’m blogging.”

“I don’t get blogging,” came the response.

Hmmm. Where do I take the conversation from here? I had wanted a question to indicate I’d peaked her interest, “Oh, really, tell me more? What about?”

Instead, I began fumbling and trying to explain blogging, “I’m sharing with the world my thoughts and experiences, sometimes I’m just ranting in a written, online format.”

Her scrunched nose, narrowed eyes, and slight back and forth head motion indicated uncertainty.  Not to be deterred, I forged ahead.

“Yes, I’m writing specifically about a one-year project I’m doing: 52 Dates with Myself. Tighter scrunching of her eyes and nose. Still, I kept going.

“I’m dating myself for a year and writing about it.”

That’s when the pin came out and went straight for my balloon. “Doesn’t that kind of limit you from dating other people?”

For the past 18 hours or so, that question’s been rattling round my brain. I’ve begun ranting on paper. But I’d like to hear from you?

What are your thoughts on my friend’s question? How about sharing them below?

Categories: Challenges, Commitment, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

One-dollar Roses, Sushi, $2 Buck Chuck, & Charlie Rose

Crazy busy week of travel and major work projects! Translated this means there’s not been much time for dating. Yet, there it is looming before me – the commitment to do something special with myself. 52 Dates with Myself! Good grief! It’s already Wednesday night and the rest of the calendar this week is full.

Hey, do I like this girl, or what? Well, of course, I do. Do I want her to like me? Absolutely.

Alright then, stick with your commitment and do something nice for and with me.

But the cupboard is bare. No milk, no bread, no Greek yogurt! I need to stop off at Kroger’s new Marketplace on the drive home.

Yes, a girl does have to eat even if she has to run through the rain to buy groceries.

What? What’s this? Seriously? A dozen red roses for $1.00!!!

Sure, I recognize they are Valentine cast-off’s never destined to fulfill their intended $30.00 romancing role. Never mind that. Like finding a gem at a yard sale, I eagerly snatch them up, then gently put them in the top of my cart. Perusing the rest of the store, the smug and satisfied smile remains with me. One last stop for  sushi from the deli. A special treat for dinner. Then it’s back out in the rain for the drive home.

Goodness, it’s nearly 7 p.m. Stack the pantry  and refrigerate the perishables. Suddenly, I see it. There on the second shelf, chilled and ready!

There’s a date about to happen. Me and my $1 roses, salmon sushi and a goblet of  $2 buck Chuck – Trader Joe’s famously thrifty Chardonnay. Shoes off, light a candle, settle into my favorite lounge chair, and find Charlie Rose on the tube. Ah, what a great date night!

Categories: Commitment, Date Ideas, Date Night, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Dear Hostess,

I am one. I am not just one, nor am I only one.

I am one. Complete and elegant.

Yes, that seat by the window overlooking the skyline is exactly what I had in mind.

Sincerely,

A Lovely One

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Ode to Mounds

“Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t”

Truthfully, I’ve never liked Mounds or Almond Joy. Even though I’ve sometimes felt like a nut,  I tend to be more of a “sometimes you don’t” kind of gal. You know, the more serious type – maybe even a bit boring?

But I do love almonds, and I’ve rarely turned down an opportunity for joy. So, after years of “nut therapy,” I’m finally learning to embrace even the smallest stirring of nuttiness.

Oh, I’m just kidding about the therapy, unless you consider all that talking to myself.

But I am consciously opening up to more fun. My “nuttiness” radar now constantly scans the horizon looking for blips that just might prove to be “nutty” and fun dates that could land a spot in my calendar for the upcoming year. I’m also seeking ideas from my more naturally inclined “feel like a nut” friends.

What “nutty” ideas do you have for adding “Mounds” of fun and the ultimate “Almond Joy” to one of my 52 Dates with Myself?

Categories: Date Ideas, Date Night, Planning, Pure Fun, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

First of 52 Dates with Myself – Part I: all for One

The full irony in the title of this post only now hit me. My first of 52 Dates with Myself began with a stage play presented by all for One productions, inc.

This past Sunday while searching for ideas for my first date, I stumbled upon a list of events scheduled for the Allen County Public Library. Among those was a production of Jane Austen’s Emma. The last of six shows was set for that very same day at 2:30 p.m.

“Shoot,” I thought, and continued scanning the list. But I came back, clicked through to learn more, called the telephone number given for tickets, and in a spontaneous moment asked, “Why not?” After all, it was Jane Austen’s Emma!

The curtain would go up in 90 minutes. I had to decide quickly to throw aside the work I’d planned for the day – sitting on my bed developing a training workshop for a client– and put myself in good form for my first date. A sense of excitement surged through me even as a bit of guilt staked claim in the back of my mind asking, “Are you sure?”

I recognized this mental tug of war. Hadn’t I played it out on other date opportunities? Should I? Shouldn’t I? Like plucking petals from a daisy, “He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me….” Only this time, it’s, “I love me. I love me not.”

“No! I will make this choice for myself. With clear and intentional purpose, I will decide that I am choosing this opportunity, that I am selecting this activity, that I am setting aside something else – at least for these particular moments of my life.  I will enjoy that I am open to spontaneity. I will recognize that the arts speak to my heart, that stories capture my imagination and emotions. I will pluck the last petal and no matter what end with, ‘I love me.’”

“Yes, I am sure!”

A cold but gloriously sunny winter day greeted me on the drive downtown.  A uniformed security guard greeted me at the front door of the Allen County Public Library.  It was only my second visit to this main branch in the 3 ½ years I have lived here. I was surprised as I had been the first time by its size, scope, and the guard.

When the elevator door opened on lower level 2, I stepped into an unremarkable, windowless, industrial tiled, room furnished with an assortment of tables. My heart sank a little – not quite the elegant theater atmosphere I’d imagined.  “Keep going, you’ve only stepped out of the elevator,” I encouraged myself.

Within three or four steps, a woman with a broad smile greeted me warmly and introduced herself as Sharon Henderson.  Ticket in hand, I relaxed a bit and glanced around to take in my surroundings. A colorful display off to one side caught my eye, and I headed toward it.  A tagline in the display center read, “…impacting our culture for God through the arts.”  Colorful brochures explained in detail various programs of the organization, all for One productions, inc. or afO.

With Sharon Henderson, Executive Director of all for One productions, inc.

Sharon returned to my side and began sharing with me the story of afO. Her warmth and inviting nature made it easy for me to reveal this was my first of 52 Dates with Myself and that I was blogging about it.

Our conversation was interrupted numerous times as Sharon excused herself to personally greet each patron as he or she stepped from the elevator. Nearly all of them she knew by name. Once when she returned, she explained to me that relationships were one of the highest values of all for One. Clearly, she lived this value.

The story of all for One productions, inc. fascinated me, as did my new acquaintance with its executive director, Sharon Henderson. I felt like I had made a wonderful discovery within my hometown and the “show” had yet to begin. So far, I was pleased with my first date.

(For more about all for One productions, inc. and their upcoming performances visit their website at www.allforonefw.org. Current programs include the Character Counts Series: educational assembly programs for schools, Young Playwrights Festival: an annual competition for students, Home Stage Productions: an annual series of stage performances, and The Spotlight Series: an annual spotlight performance of an explicitly Christian work.)

Categories: Beginnings, Commitment, Date Ideas, Date Night, Planning | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Unexpected First Date Jitters

Spontaneity ruled as I rushed to dress and get downtown in time for the first of my 52 Dates with Myself. Less than two hours earlier I’d been perusing the internet in pursuit of planning a great event for myself. Now here I was rushing around, dumping my plans for the day, and actually on my first date.

Actually, this wasn’t quite what I had imagined it to be. I was excited to be on my way to a special activity. Yet, the spontaneity of it was also setting a bit of an undertone I’d not expected. First, there was the rushing itself. Then, there was the dumping of the other plans I’d had for the day. A doubt lingered – was I romancing myself or was I procrastinating? Would I be able to set aside these thoughts and enjoy the time with me?

 

Categories: Beginnings, Challenges, Date Anticipation | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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