Posts Tagged With: Dating limitations
This got me asking myself what I might enjoy doing that I wouldn’t naturally think to do?
No doubt my natural preferences and my history of experiences inform, as well as limit, my creativity in planning my 52 Dates with Myself. I don’t naturally think to plan a date for a spectator-sporting event. I’d like to go dancing, but my lack of experience makes it a bit intimidating and has prevented it from making it to my calendar so far.
I’m thinking it’s time to move beyond myself here, to muster up my courage and create some new experiences. As Yul Brynner once said in the movie, The Ten Commandments, “So let it be written; so let it be done!”
Ponder & Chat: How do your natural preferences and experience history impact your recreation choices? How about your relationships?
Actually, I think my friend makes a great point.
Several of my single friends of late have recently started dating someone exclusively. It’s been great fun watching their excitement and sharing in their newfound giddiness. Yet, sure enough, there are some differences in our interactions. For example, I’m noticing:
- I don’t hear from them quite so much. Makes sense, when they have time for chats, they’re chatting with their new special someone.
- I don’t do things with them quite as much. Makes sense, they have someone they’re busy doing things with and aren’t necessarily looking to make it a group event.
- I don’t know what’s happening in their lives quite as much. Makes sense, we’re not interacting on as regular a basis or sharing our lives.
During my last dating relationship I noticed feeling as if some of my friends were backing away. No doubt I was less available, and they were less inclined to think I was available, but:
- I didn’t hear from them quite so much. When I would talk with them, they would indicate that they thought I was probably otherwise engaged, too busy with my new relationship to connect with them.
- I didn’t get invited to outings quite as much. Probably an assumption that I already had companionship.
- I didn’t know what was happening in their lives quite as much. We weren’t doing the regular and natural sharing that we once had been doing. My sounding board was often my new friend. Friendships are built from mutual give-and-take.
So, what’s this got to do with dating myself? Just like being in any other relationship, there seem to be some things falling by the wayside as I commit to this one year of 52 Dates with Myself.
- I’m not connecting with my friends quite so much. Like any relationship, this one with myself takes time. Time to reflect. Time to plan. Time to interact and discover. Time to be together with myself.
- I’m not inviting others to do things with me quite as much. This one troubles me a lot, as so much of life seems better experiencing it with others. But a Date with Myself has that danged prepositional phrase in it.
- I don’t know what’s happening in their lives quite as much. Losing contact with others is definitely not what I want to have happen here, but fewer talks and fewer shared experiences means it’s harder to stay connected.
Ponder and Chat: What do you notice that falls by the wayside as you make time for yourself? How are your other relationships impacted?
I love my friends! They’re all looking out for me and wanting to help me with my 52 Dates with Myself.
Some inquire, “Can you count this as one of your 52 dates?” Others happily just advise me, “You can count it as one of your 52 dates.”
I could easily respond, “Absolutely, I can count this as one of my dates.”
Or, “Yeah, you’re right. Good thinking!”
Really, there isn’t anyone to say I can’t. These are my dates. It’s my project. My journey. I can establish the rules as I want them to be and change them in the middle if I choose. Right?
But there’s a clamoring in my mind. The voices of Mrs. Adams and Mr. Fields, two of the best and hardest English grammar teachers a student could have.
“52 Dates with Myself.”
“They’re missing the prepositional phrase It’s quite important here.”
“Do you need to diagram it?”
“Ha! No, thank you! I do not need to diagram it!”
It’s obvious, of course. The “with Myself” clearly functioning as an adjective describing which 52 Dates. The ones with Myself.
“Yes, I understand that they mean well. They’re great friends, too.”
“Ah, interesting idea. Yes, perhaps next year we’ll tackle 52 Dates with My Friends.”
I think I hear the bell ringing. Class dismissed!
Ponder & Chat: How do the people in your life create challenges for you to consider around your personal goals?
Nine days of silence.
Wondering what it means.
Will I ever call again?
If so, what will I say?
“I don’t get blogging,” came the response.
Hmmm. Where do I take the conversation from here? I had wanted a question to indicate I’d peaked her interest, “Oh, really, tell me more? What about?”
Instead, I began fumbling and trying to explain blogging, “I’m sharing with the world my thoughts and experiences, sometimes I’m just ranting in a written, online format.”
Her scrunched nose, narrowed eyes, and slight back and forth head motion indicated uncertainty. Not to be deterred, I forged ahead.
“Yes, I’m writing specifically about a one-year project I’m doing: 52 Dates with Myself. Tighter scrunching of her eyes and nose. Still, I kept going.
“I’m dating myself for a year and writing about it.”
That’s when the pin came out and went straight for my balloon. “Doesn’t that kind of limit you from dating other people?”
For the past 18 hours or so, that question’s been rattling round my brain. I’ve begun ranting on paper. But I’d like to hear from you?
What are your thoughts on my friend’s question? How about sharing them below?